I'm currently sprawled across my bed, at 9pm, hoping to read a little but knowing I will fall asleep while trying. I slept for four hours last night, sharing my twin bed with my friend because after a night out, at 2 am, there were no hotels in town with open rooms. Today, I took a bus to a Carnaval beach party, and the entire 45 minute ride, I had the kind of need to poop that sends your mind into panicked delusion (tmi, but true, sorry). After a long and tiring day, I missed the last bus into my community and had to get a taxi instead. My pj shirt reeks of carnaval espuma.
All this, yet all I can focus on is the overwhelming, gushing, aching feeling of gratitude for the life I get to say is mine right now. Last week, my group of interns met up to talk about how our experiences have been going, and I cried for the first time in months when trying to explain how grateful I was for all of this. I’m living in Ecuador? My family is huge and kind and loving and hilarious? I got sprayed with foam and attacked with paint today, and got to swim in a river, and now I’m squeaky clean post outdoor shower? I got to eat both french fries AND ice cream today?! When I first got here, I felt a different kind of gratitude- I focused on how much money things cost back home, and how lucky I was to even afford a plane ticket over here. Everyone here talks about money a lot. I have been asked both by strangers and my host family how much things cost in the US compared to here, and how much my plane cost, and my phone, a cup of coffee, each individual ring on my finger... It got to a point where I would just resort to saying that I didn't know the cost, or that someone else bought it for me. Sometimes, I knew the cost was really high, and I didn't even want to say it out loud. Now, I get asked questions like this less frequently, and don't think about money as constantly. Instead, I find myself wondering how I got here. I never thought of myself as someone who could live in the jungle, bathe in the river, or learn an indigenous language while sucking on fish bones. I wanted to come here to improve my Spanish- I've studied for over six years in school, but we all know that could mean I'm anywhere from fluent to beginner in real life. My goal was to put myself in an immersive situation where I had no choice but to speak the language with very little English. While that is what has been happening, I have realized there are so many other little reasons that the world has brought me here. More so than just learning Spanish, I've been learning some Kichwa as well. My family speaks about half and half of each language at once in the house, so even just learning some key words and phrases can really help me follow a conversation. My favorite phrase I've learned so far is probably sinchi warmi, meaning "strong woman". My host dad taught it to me, and whenever any of the amazing women in my house make or do something commendable, him or I will say the phrase and the other will repeat it back. I have learned so much about my community's connection to their chakra, their forest, and their home. It is so hard to describe, but easy to feel and observe. My family is teaching me how to claim space, while also sharing it with other living things. I'm grateful for the concept of time here, too- I've learned to always bring a book, journal, or headphones with me on any journey. Buses constantly change with holidays, and sometimes I'm waiting at a bus station for two hours. But that is giving me more time to reflect, read, and just watch what's going on around me. I'm grateful for the ability to stare here- God knows I'm getting stared at all the time. Our program director explained the culture of it when I first arrived, saying that a lot of people stare at one another, but its not a big deal. It's a free country, what's the harm in looking at one another? And the same goes for asking questions: In the US, my pride and embarrassment would often keep me from asking a stranger for directions. Here, with limited cell data and local knowledge, I am asking someone for help almost every day. But everyone wants to help- people here will go out of their way to help you with even more than you asked for. Last week, I accidentally got on the wrong bus, which just meant I'd wait at the next terminal for my correct bus to come along at some point. But the employee on the other bus ran over to me a few minutes after he saw me waiting, and found the schedule for me so I knew what time the bus would be coming. I never even asked him for that, but he saw where he could help me, and stepped in. This all sounds so idealistic when I explain it like this, but I promise it has not all been so easy (read my first paragraph again for a refresher). There are plenty of things here that push me to my limits and have me asking myself, How did I get here? But once I give myself ten minutes to reassess my surroundings and remind myself where I am, I end up asking another question: How did I get so lucky?
2 Comments
mom
3/5/2019 02:18:37 pm
I can't wait to get there and look so forward to you sharing just some of what you have learned with me!
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Mariam
3/14/2019 02:16:04 pm
You are sinchi warmi!
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AuthorI'm a 21 year old university student, studying geography and food security, and spending a semester in Ecuador interning with Amazon Learning. ArchivesCategories |